


We'll Always Have New Asgard

by CommanderLexaTrash



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Are songfics still a thing?, I really love angst, So much angst, Songfic, we're about to find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23826901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderLexaTrash/pseuds/CommanderLexaTrash
Summary: Thor started to feel better when you were around him, but grief is a poison that wouldn't let go. Set during Endgame.
Relationships: Thor (Marvel)/Reader
Kudos: 5





	We'll Always Have New Asgard

**Author's Note:**

> The song is "We'll Always Have Paris" by Capstan.

_ I hope wherever you are, you're far _

_ Far along, and not too far gone _

_ I hope wherever you are, your heart _

_ Is still carrying that spark _

It had been one month since you left. Time moved slowly, incrementally, even with the help of tankards of beer that Thor kept stashed throughout his house. Alcohol blurred his emotions and the days—he wasn’t sure if it was Monday or Friday or another day in between. Thor’s life was a haze, marked only by the first and last drink of the day.

Thor functioned, but barely. He was king, but barely.

He had been your lover. Your partner. But barely.

Not that it mattered. If he was being honest, nothing really mattered anymore.

Not since you left.

_ You were the lightning strike _

_ That helped me see through the starless night _

_ So quick, brilliant and bright _

Thor first met you after the snap. When the team relocated to the Avengers Headquarters in upstate New York, Thor’s veins were pulsing with fury for failing to kill Thanos. He was also inspired by his teammate’s determination to undo the worst. You were one of the survivors, a recent addition to the team who had been recruited by Natasha. Your face bore stories of heartbreak and loss, ones that Thor knew too well.

While your team worked day and night to locate Thanos, Thor sought the comfort of your company. At first, you two didn’t speak, choosing instead to watch the sun move slowly across the sky each day. Wordless. Lost in thought. 

As Thor brooded over his failure, he couldn’t help but watch your compassion. The way you made sure that the team stopped working long enough to eat. The way you asked if everyone had slept or if they needed to talk. Thor wasn’t sure if you were taking care of yourself, but he could tell that you felt better when others felt better.

You had even risked the silence to ask Thor if he needed anything. Despite himself, Thor said yes: a drink and your company. You indulged with him a smile, your own drink in hand. Little did either of you that that small gesture would spark something so much bigger.

After three weeks of searching for Thanos, Thor finally went for the head. And then, with nothing left to do, he left for New Asgard, leaving everyone else behind.

_ You were the lightning strike _

_ Distortion in my atmosphere _

_ Shook me to my core _

_ Before you suddenly disappeared _

While he was at Headquarters, Natasha had given Thor a smartphone to communicate with the team. Thor wasn’t sure what to make of the tiny, beeping device, so upon his return to New Asgard, he gave it to Valkyrie. Valkyrie let Thor know whenever Natasha sent a communication checking in, and he advised her what to write. He was fine. His people were fine. Everything was fine, even if it wasn’t.

The problem was, now that there was quiet, Thor didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to rule, but his people needed him. He NEEDED to be better, to do better, but he couldn’t. But he tried. Thor showed up to council meetings and smiled widely when his people thanked him. He mingled with the remaining Asgardians in the market and made rowsing, optimistic speeches before their weekly feast in their Great Hall.

But it wasn’t the same. Behind his strength, Thor was shattering like a mirror.

Then, you came to visit.

_ I hope wherever you are, you're far _

_ Far along, and not too far gone _

_ I hope wherever you are, your heart _

_ Is still carrying that spark _

It was the one year anniversary of the snap. Thor and his people were preparing a feast in honor of the terrible milestone. The heaviness of the day weighed on Thor so horribly he almost couldn’t get out of bed. But alcohol encouraged him, as it had all year. Just a few sips to start the day. Then a bottle. Then more. He would do whatever he could to work—his people needed him.

You, Natasha, and Steve had arrived for the festival. Thor had forgotten how beautiful you were until he saw you again. It was clear that, like him, the year hadn’t been kind to you. And yet, like him, you smiled just the same.

Thor was used to performing, but even he had to admit he was excited to have old friends visit him. On the night of the feast, everyone dressed in their best Asgardian wear, you included. 

You took his breath away. Thor’s frozen heart shook to life once again.

The feast was both solemn and celebratory, with flowing drinks and sumptuous meals that could feed their small town for days. For once, Thor felt giddy, like himself. As the night trekked on, he found you chatting with some Asgardians and immediately asked for your company. To his delight, you accepted.

Thor wanted to show you the world—even if it was just a slice of New Asgard. Together, you two marveled at the stillness in the stars in the night sky. He walked you through town, the Great Hall still bustling behind you, pointing out the significance of each shop. Thor’s feet even carried him to the cliffside where his father, Odin, had gone to be with his mother.

You listened to his sorrows and stories with genuity that made him feel heard for the first time in forever. You took his hand, wrapping your fingers around his, and told him a truth he never really believed, “We’ll be okay.”

_ Though it was brief when our paths aligned _

_ There's a part of myself that you helped define _

_ I'll always remember your radiant shine _

_ A setting sun in the scarlet sky _

Steve and Natasha left a few days later, but you decided to stay. It didn’t take long for you and Thor to become inseparable. You encouraged him to do and be his best. Thor replaced his ritual alcohol with coffee and determination. Time continued to tick by slowly, but he learned to relish the pace now that you were by his side.

Your smile and laugh fueled him. Your first kiss, under the night sky, reminded him that he was still a person, not just a king with duty to his people. Thor opened up to you, and you read him carefully, with compassion, healing his hurt with your words.

“I love you. We’ll be okay.”

_ The clouds gave way to a torrential rain _

_ And a temperature drop _

_ Brought on a haze so thick _

_ Ran my blood so thin _

_ It made my heart stop _

Thor felt better, at least for a while.

Grief is poison. You were his sunlight, but Thor’s sadness still bubbled beneath him. It infected him when he least expected it—when he was holding you while you slept at night; when you cuddled up on the couch for a movie; when you two drank together with Valkyrie, Korg, and Miek. Thor didn’t know how to fight it other than to ignore it.

After a year with you, his grief began to bury him again. When he drank, he felt better. Thor could smile and rule and be the person everyone recognized him as. 

But you saw through his masquerade. Every time you saw him take a drink, you encouraged him to stop. You pleaded for him to try harder, for you, as his hand gripped the bottle, but he couldn’t. Didn’t you understand? He couldn’t stop. The alcohol helped him feel better. This was fine. When he drank, everything was fine.

_ I hope wherever you are, you're far _

_ Far along, and not too far gone _

_ I hope wherever you are, your heart _

_ Is still carrying that spark _

_ I always wonder what could have been _

_ But all I can do is wish you the best in the end _

_ I know in time our wounds will mend _

_ We all love again _

With alcohol’s help, time sped up. One more year went by, then another. For three years you stuck by his side, helping him out of bed when he couldn’t move, encouraging him to get off the couch and go to his council meetings.

But grief was a monster that chased him back inside, back to the bottle.

Don’t get him wrong: Thor loved you deeply. He really did. But he could see, as time passed, that you stopped believing him when he told you. Your natural sunshine faded into a hazy fog that wouldn’t lift. You started to drink more too, as if to keep up with Thor, but you complained often about how sick and sad you felt. Physically. Mentally.

Thor was losing you. He knew it, but he couldn’t stop.

_ And I know that someday _

_ Eventually _

_ This infatuation fades _

_ And all our wounds will mend _

Days turned into weeks turned into months. Thor was in a haze. His life was happening in snapshots; he would blink and be in his chair, a game controller in hand. He would blink again and be standing in the shower, trying unsuccessfully to stand steady. Day in and day out.

Thor hadn’t even noticed that you had packed your bags and stacked them by the front door.

You were holding back tears when you sat in front of him. His vision was spinning, but quickly grounded when you held his hands gently, like you always did, and told him the truth.

“Please, Thor. I love you. I don’t know what else to do to help you. I don’t want to go, but I can’t… I can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I’m so sorry.”

But all Thor heard was that you were giving up. You were going. His face turned to stone, and he averted his stare. Anger burned him.

You pleaded with him, “Please look at me. Say something, say anything.”

All Thor felt in that moment was shame. He was shaking his head, and without thinking, he said, “Then go. Get out. Leave!”

Shocked, you dropped his hands. Your face screwed up with tears, and you did as he asked: you left.

_ And I hope in some way _

_ You found yourself _

_ Through the doubt you overcame _

_ We all love again _

Now, Thor was stuck to his chair. He had nothing left of himself to give, even to the people he ruled. While he had immediately regretted his words, his grief wouldn’t let him make it better. So he stayed inside. He played video games until dawn. He drank, and then drank some more.

More than anything, Thor missed you. But it was too late. You were gone.

And you weren’t coming back.

_ I hope wherever you are, you're far _

_ Far along, and not too far gone _

_ I hope wherever you are, your heart _

_ Is still carrying that spark _

_ I always wonder what could have been _

_ But all I can do is wish you the best in the end _

_ I know in time our wounds will mend _

_ We all love again _


End file.
